Questions I’m Too Ashamed to Ask Google

1. Why does Proctor & Gamble make their Tide measuring cap the same color as their detergent?

2. Why does my cat hate me?

3. What is so irresistible about a just cleaned window that it must be kissed over and over again?

4. Does anyone know how to fold fitted sheets?

5. What is on Stanley’s head?

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I Am Such A Doofus

My rare 2000 Tahoe Limited
Image by char1iej via Flickr

For the last six or so months my truck has not moved. It would only start if I gave it a jump. This was not a huge problem, I have a car that works just fine but the boy uses the truck.

I bought the truck, a ’96 Tahoe, in ’98. It had 90,000 miles on it when I bought it but it’s big ass Chevy and those engines can go for a long, long time. I crashed it twice, major accidents, causing the whole body to be replaced except for the roof. There is one little spot of rust on the back cargo door, other than that it looks pristine. And, more importantly, it is paid for and the tabs cost next to nothing to renew.

However, because it is a big ass Chevy, it sucks gas like a cheap hooker. I think it gets 7 miles to the gallon on city streets and maybe up to 11 on the freeway. Ten years ago this wasn’t as painful as it is now.

I drove the truck as my main vehicle until 2007 when my dad passed away and I started taking care of my mom full time. I couldn’t get her into the truck, it was too high off the ground. So, I bought a car that I could get her into easily. I would have traded the truck in on the car but they wouldn’t take it. Even then it was too old, had too many miles on it (over 200,000 at that point) and it was a gas guzzler. The blue book value of it is under $1200.

By 2007 the A/C had stopped working. Fixing it was a major investment, and it needed a lot of other work. Shocks, cams (I don’t know what those are but they keep telling me I need them) and parts of the interior are slowly going missing. Someone stole the ashtray filled with change in it and the dog jumped on the cup holder pulling it out. I can’t put it back in without taking the whole dashboard off so it sits in the back seat unable to hold cups.

I kept the truck because, no on wanted it, but also because it is great to haul stuff with. I have a trailer hitch on it and can tow the boat with it and we can fill it will leaves in the fall to take to the compost site. It has a practical purpose.

And then it just stopped working. Unless I jumped it or charged it with a charger it wouldn’t go. I replaced the battery last year but that didn’t last for more than a couple of days. I was back to jump starting it. Something was wrong. I talked to my brother and some guy friends who all thought it was the alternator. I had replaced that last spring so I didn’t think that was the problem.

I brought it to a shop several months ago. They said it was the cables to the battery. They charged me $20 and said it was good to go. The next day it wouldn’t start.

I gave up on it. I knew whatever the problem was it was a big one and it just wasn’t something I could afford at the time. I took it off my insurance because I knew I wouldn’t get to it until the spring or summer.

For the last six months I have been sharing a car with my son. This means only one of us can go anywhere at one time. It also means my car smells like a sweat sock.

Yesterday I gave up or gave in and jumped the car. I took it to my mechanic. Not the battery cable one but the mechanic who had cared for my baby since I got it. They are more expensive and not as close since I moved but they knew the vehicle and the owner had rescued me on a couple of occasions. I felt guilty having taken it somewhere else just to save a few bucks.

I told him what was happening and then I told him I had a budget. He had to figure out the problem and fix it for under $200. Not much to work with. I was pretty sure that with that budget we probably were not going to get it fixed. But we might be able to rule out a lot of possible causes.

He called me yesterday afternoon and told me to come pick it up. He also said I owed him $120. I declared my love for my mechanic over the phone and told me son we had to go pick up the truck.

Can you guess what the problem was?

I bet some of you can.

Apparently, the vanity mirror on the visor was not closing all the way. The little doo hicky switch was not being depressed when the mirror was closed because the hinge had snapped off. With the visor closed you couldn’t see that the light on the mirror was still on.

I feel like a complete doofus for not being able to figure this out.  It reminds me of when I called the electrician because the light he had just installed wasn’t working. I paid $85 for someone to come out and change a light bulb.

In my defense of doofusness, they had to remove the wires to the vanity mirror to turn it off. Even if I had located the trouble I wouldn’t have known how to do that. I would have tried Super Glue or something to keep the button depressed but I wouldn’t have been able to remove the wires.

Have you ever called in a professional to fix something that was obvious?

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National Cupcake Day and Websites to Avoid

Today is National Cupcake Day which is ironic considering all the press Lisa Ellis is getting for having her naked body turn up on Wyclef Jean’s cell phone. If it were National Titty Cupcake Day it would be perfect for Miss Ellis. Of course she is busy looking for a new job right now so it probably doesn’t matter to her.

As you all know I can’t have cupcakes today or for the rest of the week because I am still off carbs! Don’t forget to enter the contest to win three bars of Happy Goats Soap. I’ll be picking the winner on Friday.

As a single mom I let my kids go online for way too long and I let them watch way too much TV.  I don’t monitor much for my son anymore but I do for my daughter. She is allowed to watch kid shows and go to online sites specifically for her age group.  Because I am an often broke single mom I don’t give my kids a credit card to use online. We do a lot of trial offers but I don’t buy games for my kids. My son has a job and can buy his own and my daughter can just keep whining.

Not allowing them to use my credit cards or my Paypal account makes me think I have a little control over what they do or don’t do.

Not anymore.

Two sites are out there that want to really mess with parents. I am sure this was the goal when they were created.

The first one is Kwedit. The tagline is Play now, Pay later. The site is for kids, who don’t have credit to be able to buy games online with only their word. They must promise to pay the debt in 7 to 14 days by going to a 7-11 and paying the bill. If they keep their promise and pay their kwedit limit gets increased. If you have kids go to this site now and block it on your computer. I’d rather give them my credit card than have to drive them to a 7-11 once a week. Thankfully we don’t have any 7-11s anymore.

The other site to keep you kids away from is Chatroulette! Chatroulette is a bunch of people on a site with their webcam and sitting in front of their computer waiting for someone to talk to them. Kinda like speed dating or something. The site was created by a 17 year old Russian kid who had no idea what the hell he was doing. He had no agenda, he just thought it would be neat. Right now it might be filled with normal people who are just curious to see who is out there but eventually it will morph into a site for pedophiles. There is no logging in, no profiles to create, no information stored. Just a place for perverts to sit and wait for their next victim.

Don’t you just love the internet? There is something for everyone.

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