I won a contest over at The Maaaaa of Pricilla! I won three bars of the most wonderful soap on earth. Happy Goats Soap is so wonderful I can’t even come up with words to describe how great it is but take my word for it. Patty has a few new soaps, one of which is called Monkey Farts and that is the one I chose as my winning soap. Patty tells me it is the fragrance of all the things monkeys like to eat like pineapple, banana, and mango, and why their farts smell so good? I don’t know about that but I do know if it is like her other soaps it is going to make my skin feel soft. The name is just plain marketing genius.

My birthday is this Sunday. I am finally going to be 44. Since I was only 43 for about three weeks I’m not sure I should really be calling myself 44 yet but the DMV isn’t giving me a break. I have to renew my driver’s license by Sunday. We all know I won’t but it’s on my list. I’m actually looking forward to getting a new picture taken since I have been saddled with the worst picture ever for about four years now.

Because my birthday is coming up I am going to treat myself by heading on down to Stormsister Spatique and picking something out for myself. I know I have to get the Galen Labs Shea Cream because it has pot (reefer, mary jane) in it. That’s not really true, but it does have hemp in it. Becky gave me a sample of it before Christmas, a big sample that should have lasted a week, I used it in a day. My feet and elbows never looked and felt so good. I also want to pick up some INtelligent Nutrients Anti-Aging Serum. Becky gave me a sample of this magical serum and I swear I look five years younger. And she only gave me a weeks worth. INtelligent Nutrients is made by Horst. Horst is the guy who created Aveda products. Horst is a local legend in Minnesota even though he now lives in Wisconsin. His products are organic and have the aromatherapy shit going on. They smell fantastic and they come in really cool recycled packages. Both of these products are a little spendy but it’s my birthday and dammit, I’m worth it. And if I don’t get it for myself no one else will. The daughter thinks I need a Build-a-Bear. I know, it’s the thought that counts but really I don’t need a Build-a-Bear.

In addition to winning soap and treating myself to some girly things, it is also Friday, the other Friday. Which just means that my kids are at their dads for the weekend and that means I get to watch TV if I want to and I get to have peace and quite if I want to talk on the phone. I can sleep in and I don’t have to nag for a whole 48 hours and there is no better birthday present than that.

My 44th year is starting off awesomely.

It is Girl Scout Cookie season. Daughter is a Girl Scout which means I get to peddle cookies for her. She wants to sell 200 boxes this year because if she does she wins a stuffed panda bear. A stuffed panda bear that will be played with for a day or two and then forgotten under the pile of other forgotten Build-a-Bears and Barbies. But who am I to dash her dreams? I can’t officially take orders for cookies until tomorrow but I can let every one know. If you are local and want to order some cookies please email me at redheadshesaid[at]gmail[dot]com or leave a comment here.

Speaking of comments and cookies I am going to have a contest myself. From now until the end of February (because that’s when the cookies arrive) I am going to give away two boxes of cookies each to the top three commenters. Your choice. You can see all the great cookies here as well as finding a source for your cookies by entering your zip code. You can comment as many times as you like on a post. No spam, make it meaningful.

That’s all I got. I’m off to enjoy the last few hours of 43. Have a great weekend.

*None of these endorsements were paid reviews and therefor the opinions were mine and mine alone. I wrote about these people and their products because I really dig them and they make me happy and I wanted to share the feeling.

**I’m not on drugs, just looking forward to a quiet weekend.

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When I was a kid we had four channels on the television. We had the three networks and public television.  Most kids today have no idea what that is like, nor what it is like to get up and have to change the channel by hand.

Even though there were only four channels I still managed to spend most of my free time watching tv. I didn’t care what was on as long as there was something on.

We were rarely allowed to watch tv before school but occasionally but for some reason I have a very vivid memory of watching this while eating breakfast. We must have had a snow day or something.

Casey Jones was a local kids show. It played for years. It wasn’t considered educational, just entertaining.

Notice the Scandahovian accent. This is the same accent used in the movie Fargo. We pretty much talk like this.

Yesterday my daughter was talking about her birthday. She is already making a list for what she wants for her birthday this coming February. I don’t know if she realizes that she is skipping right over Christmas of if she simply realizes that she won’t possibly get everything on her Christmas list. Of course she still believes in Santa so she probably was just mentally counting all her bootie.

Usually the conversation starts out like this:

“Guess what’s after Christmas, Mom”

“New Years” I say.

“Do we get presents on New Years?” Daughter will ask.

“No, but it’s really important to be quiet on the first day of the new year, in fact it’s a great day to spend with your father.” I tell her

“Guess what’s after Christmas?”

“What’s after Christmas?”

“My Birthday!” Daughter says excitedly.

“No, my birthday, then your brother’s birthday and then your birthday” I remind her.

She doesn’t really care about all these other birthdays but since daughter and son both have a birthday within four days of each other, and her birthday is after his, we are caked out. I still make two cakes but there is always half of his left over. Last year I got balloons for son’s birthday, I would have gotten them for her too but his were still up and they said “Happy Birthday”. Yeah, I know, but he didn’t care to play with them, she just wanted more.

Anyway, I got to thinking about my birthday. Mine is in January and usually by December I have already aged myself. I suppose it’s just easier to start getting used to that higher number a month or two in advance.  I never used to do this but my ex#2 always did and the habit stuck.

So I am in the shower yesterday thinking about my birthday and I realized I wasn’t sure how old I was.  I thought I was 44 and was fine with that number except I knew I was not going to be 45 next month. That just wasn’t happening. It seems like yesterday I turned 40 so there was no way 45 had already snuck up on me.  Also my brother had just turned 45 or 46 last month (I’m not really sure about his age either) and he is two years older than me so it didn’t seem possible. So I had to do the math.

I was born 1/17/1966

That makes me 43 for the moment and not 44 like I have been telling everyone, for nearly the last year, who asks.

They don’t usually ask, that would be rude, but I do because I like to compare myself to them if they are the same age as me (only if I look younger).

I have been nearly high on this information for the last day. I don’t usually care about my age but I am still surprised to find that things like Live Aid or the fall of the Berlin wall was 20 years ago. It seems like they just happened. Even 9/11 was almost ten years ago. Time flies and it seems to speed up as we get older.

Realizing I am a year younger is like finding a $100 that had been tucked away and forgotten about. It was always there but I had forgotten about it and now it is like free money.

I got a free year.

Some of you may have noticed that I rarely have pictures on my blog. I take pictures and I even upload them to my computer however I have yet to organize them and label them with names and dates (I know, big surprise).

After two years of writing about them I thought it might be nice if you had some faces to put to the characters. I say characters because if you hadn’t noticed I haven’t named anyone but the dog before.

Without further ado I introduce to you my family:

Alex is the only non redhead in the family. Until he started dyeing it that is.

Alex and his cousins. There is a shot of the three of them just before this picture was taken where they are all hugs and smiles. I don't know who set it off, probably the middle one.

Alex on his big boy bike. This is Ex#2's bike, we had just started dating. Alex had just broken his finger for the second time while out with his dad (ex#1).

Help. My mother bought this tutu for Maddie. She did so because when I was her age my father bought one for me. I have a picture of it somewhere. My mother thought every little redheaded girl needed a pink tutu. My brother's daughters all got one too. Maddie is the only one who still wears hers. All the time.

This is Stanley, the Bassador. Dumb as a box of rocks.

Mmmmm bagel and cream cheese. She still eats this way.

Mmmm spaghetti. See. Messy Maddie. That's the Sponge Bob blankie which is just about to retire for good.

Alex and his hair. Luckily this phase has passed. But not before he learned how to dye it different colors.

Same bike, that's ex#2 on the right, ten years later and instead of dating we are divorced but he's still hanging out in my backyard for some reason.

#62 That's my baby. Tallest kid, longest hair.

Alex and his girlfriend of two years. They've been dating longer than most of my marriages.

This was back in September. We haven't had a bit of snow since then. Weird, must be global warming.

Alex, Mom and Maddie '07

I am the official picture taker in our family and there are only three pictures of me because of it. This is the only picture I have of all three of us together.  The boy has cut his hair so it is just below his ears, he is now a lean mean fighting machine and probably another two inches taller. He isn’t nearly as bored as he looks here. Daughter can still wear this dress but it is a tad on the snug side and a little short to be worn in mixed company. I was trying something different with my bangs at the time of this picture.

I hope you enjoyed meeting everyone.

The sex toy party was a smashing success. I think we killed eight bottles of wine, and there were only ten of us there.

The food served was phallic shaped for the most part. It’s amazing what you can find in food items that are shaped like a penis, breast, scrotum or butt when you look. Aside from serving snack crackers made in elongated shapes, thin pretzels, and cheese spread that is shaped like a butt or a boob I also served the titty fuck cakes.

and circumcised little johnsons. I used BallPark Franks, because, they plump when you cook ‘em. I also filled them with white cheddar cheese. I was honestly afraid that no one would eat them but that didn’t turn out to be a problem.

After spending a couple hours making these tidbits, in what was really just 25 hand jobs, I was rather sick of the whole pecker theme. If I were to do this again I would cut the slit that I inserted the cheese into right to the tip. Creating the scrotums were challenging since the dough couldn’t be formed seamlessly to the member. I am almost sure I will never make these again but you never know. I used Crescent Rolls in the can for the dough. I had to cover them with tin foil while they cooked so they didn’t get too browned but were still cooked through.

Missy was our hostess for the evening and she did a bang up job showing all of us half drunk middle aged broads, her wares. I must warn you that a couple of the pictures that follow are graphic.

Missy brought in three tubs of battery operated toys as well as costumes, which we never got around to looking at. She had many toys that did not need batteries as well. In addition to toys she also had candles, lotions, and massage items.

After making introductions, Missy got right down to business. She wanted to warm us up with non-sexual items before she got into the heavy stuff. I didn’t think to take pictures of any of these items so I apologize. After we were all relaxed, and who wouldn’t be with all the wine we had been consuming, she brought out the big guns.

Yes, you can actually make a real vibrator out of your boyfriend’s or husband’s willie. According to Missy the technology is so good now that it only takes two minutes to set. Apparently it used to take about 15 minutes for the mold to set and some guys had a hard time maintaining their size for that long. You can then make the vibrator glow in the dark if you want.

The next item she brought out was this giant red glitter dildo. Not only is it a dildo that glitters but it has a suction cup at the base. Why would you need a giant red glitter dildo with a suction cup on the base?

In case you want to hang it from the front door. It’s perfect for the upcoming holiday season.

After passing around several vibrators which all did about the same thing Missy educated us on the care of a vibrators. I was too busy laughing to pay too much attention but I did learn that you should always remove the batteries from your vibrator when it is not being used. I also learned that the only thing needed to clean a vibrator is soap and water. You don’t need any fancy soaps to clean them.

As soon as everyone returns from removing batteries we can continue.

Missy also showed us the male equivalent of a dildo. I have pictures but frankly they are too graphic for my site and they would not be considered work safe. Sorry, use your imagination. I can show you the picture of Missy using one of these with the glitter dick.

I think she was demonstrating either a great hand job or what it takes to do a good blow job. Whatever she was demonstrating she was having a great time doing it. As you can imagine the party was pretty loud by then so I didn’t really hear too much.

Missy made many sales so the party was considered a success. Just for having the party I was given a Heart Warmer Massager, which is not shaped like any part of the body, as well as Sin in a Tin which is a candle that once heated can be used as massage oil. Since I used Mooog’s and Katherine’s ideas for food they have their choice of one of those. First come first served guys. All your suggestions were great but these two were the easiest to do so congratulations to both of you for your knowledge of sex shaped foods.

Now if you will excuse me I have to wipe all the lube off the door knobs.

My sex toy party is tomorrow night and due to all the illness we’ve had here in the last few weeks I sorta forgot about the whole thing.

I need ideas for food. I am serving appetizers only and people are bringing wine but I need ideas for appetizers. I was thinking along the lines of little weinies and other phallic shaped foods. The problem is I can’t really think of any food that remind me of penises so I need your ideas for finger food.

Please no celery, after reading this post from Mooog I just don’t think I could stomach it.

The best idea will win a door prize from the sex toy party. I don’t know what it is but most likely a vibrator, dildo, motion lotion, titty cream(I have no idea why anyone would want that), edible underpants or vibrating underpants. Batteries will be included.

Use your imagination and be creative.

There are still 48 hours left to buy my eBook on how to make money online here, before I do a more professional, and more expensive launch somewhere else. Right now it only costs $5.  Remember you get one free week of advertising on my site, a $5 value, as well as a free week long trial worth $12 over at Adgitize.