What do women want?

Since time began men have been pulling their hair out trying to answer this question. If men could just figure out what women want their lives would be so much easier and peaceful. Unfortunately most men try to find the answer to this question by asking their buddies, usually single buddies. They never go to the source to find the answer to this question. Which is really not surprising given how men are unwilling to ask for directions. So listen up men, because I love you guys, and because I am a giving kind of person, I am here to answer that age old question of what women really want. Thank you.

1. Women want to be treated just like men.

Currently women are making 75.5 cents for every dollar men earn. If we perform the job just as well as men we ought to be paid the same as men. Unless that job involves killing hairy spiders or cleaning out septic tanks, then we’re okay with the whole inequality thing because there is no way we want to kill the spiders and suck out the sludge. We’ll stand there and hold the shovel.

2. Women do not want to be objectified

When you talk to us we would really appreciate it if you would look at our eyes. Unless, of course, we just spent $75 on a really great push up bra, in which case we want you to notice our perky breasts, but only for a few seconds.

3. Women want foreplay

Real foreplay, not a 15 second back rub the minute we sit down after a day of working 10 hours at our 75.5 cent to your dollar job and then helping with homework, cooking, cleaning and all things mom. If you want to get us in the mood then run a load of laundry from start to finish and don’t ask us to praise you for it. Just do it.

4. Women don’t want to be asked stupid questions

Kathy from The Junk Drawer summed this up nicely:

There is no question from my husband I hate more in the world than “Are these dishes clean?”
O. M. F. G. Can’t you just LOOK and SEE if they’re clean????? If there are not chunks of breakfast, lunch or dinner on anything inside, then go ahead and assume they are clean. And while you’re at it, EMPTY IT!

5. Women want to be understood

We really want you to understand what it means when we say fine. It means that no matter what you say we have won the argument and you would be best off apologizing if you want to make the fight go away. We want you to know that there are a few days each month when we are a little crabby, maybe weepy and we NEED chocolate. Stop eating our stash.

It’s pretty simple.

Pay us the same, kill the spiders, do some laundry, stop eating our chocolate.

Oh, and pick up your wet towels and dirty socks.